Long Distance Relationships

After a couple days of giving my best friend advice on her long distance relationship, I thought I might as well share my opinion with YBP readers. Many of us have experimented with long distance relationships in the past, and some of you may be in one right now. There are also those who would never even consider the thought of committing themselves to someone who is hundreds of miles away. There are arguments for both sides of whether couples can make it work despite the distance. The matter is totally subjective, and only you and your partner can decide if you can handle the time apart, or if it would be better to part ways.

I think it’s perfectly fine to say definitively one way or the other whether you are willing to be in a long distance relationship. Only you know your relationship standards, deal breakers and capabilities, and if you have outlined them and communicated them to your partner, then they know where you stand. Having standards and deal breakers in a relationship is crucial. Otherwise, you will find yourself unhappy and constantly complaining about the situation. I have a low tolerance for people who complain about their relationships- if you are unhappy in the situation then do something about it. Either you change or leave, but you can’t change other people. They have to want to change on their own. But, I digress.

Communication is of utmost importance to ensure that both of you are on the same page. Never make assumptions or take anything for granted. Be honest, with yourself and with your mate. If you enjoy being in your city alone, don’t mind sporadic visits and late night phone calls, and can’t see yourself changing jobs or moving any time soon, then you need to own up to those feelings and communicate them. Don’t be selfish and have someone waiting for you in another state, holding on to hope that one day you two will be physically together. And if you find yourself tempted to date someone else who is local, definitely be a man/woman about it and come clean. If you love the person and claim to be committed to them, then you must treat them with respect no matter how far apart you may be.

But there are times when “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I never discourage my friends from being in long distance relationships as long as they have a goal for their relationship. My sister and her husband are proof that long distance relationships can be successful if it is your top priority. They did not live in the same city until they got married. It was hard, but they knew they were going to be together and worked toward that goal. My engagement is also a testament that distance does not mean there’s no chance for a relationship to grow. But my fiance’ told me upfront his feelings on the matter, which is why I had to take a leap of faith and move. When you love someone and nothing comes before your relationship, then what excuse do you have for not being with that person? Again, it all comes down to communication and standards. Know what you want and express your feelings.