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Wedding season is upon us and I’m sure many of you YBPs know at least one person getting married this year. Well, I know about seven, including myself. Yes, I am blushing bride-to-be and as I kick my wedding planning into high gear, thoughts of wedding “do’s,” “don’ts,” and “wants” come to mind. Weddings don’t have to be perfect (oh but wouldn’t that be nice) but they definitely can be efficient and organized. So here are my opinions and advice for future brides and wedding guests.

First off, congrats if you are engaged or thinking of proposing to your loved one. Marriage is a major step, and not one to be taken lightly. The first thing I recommend is that you read the book Lies at the Alter: The Truth About Great Marriages by Dr. Robin L. Smith. Read more about this great book on our Resources page. Adding to that synopsis, be sure to do the exercises in the book with your partner. Marriage is not a solo operation so there’s no point in not sharing the lessons. Also, add pre-marital counseling to your wedding to-do list. No matter how well you get along with your mate, relationships are about communication and understanding. Counseling can help reveal issues you may not have known existed.

Future Brides- here are a few websites I’ve found helpful: The Knot, Brides, and The Wedding Channel for your basic tips, ideas, and advice. For us Noir Brides, advice on African and African-American weddings can be found on African American Brides, Black Bride, Ebony Weddings, and for African traditions, attire, and jumping the broom info, check out ViBride and African Weddings.

I have mixed feelings about wedding planners, but here is an article about why you would need a bridal consultant. Planning a wedding on your own isn’t impossible, but I would suggest having a day-of wedding planner to help you get through the day smoothly.

As for Wedding Expos and Bridal Shows- big yawn. I went to one and it was a major waste of time. Imagine real life spam email coming at you from many different directions. But I will admit that the reason I found the show to be of no help was because I already had my ideas into place and set in motion. So the expos and shows, which include vendors and fashion shows, could potentially help the bride who hasn’t planned a single thing. Overall, if you want to go to a bridal show, go before you’ve made any plans and bring your mom or a friend. There are many nationwide expos, and a few African-American expos in select cities.

I am also in a wedding this summer, so as a bridesmaid I say, be nice to your bridal party…specifically their wallet. Just because you’re going all out for your wedding does not mean that they are financially able to do the same. But if you absolutlely must have those $$$ dresses, shoes, and accessories, consider paying some of it yourself or making it part of their gift.

Oh, and if you feel the urge to quote Sophia from The Color Purple (“I’s marrried na!”), do it only once and amongst people who will actually get the joke.

Guests- back in the day when I thought about weddings, I didn’t appreciate how much work and planning went into them. It just seemed like a lot of fuss. Understandably, my perspective has changed and now I realize the importance of exchanging vows in the presence of your loved ones. So if you are invited to a wedding and choose to share in this special occasion, try to maintain a positive attitude. Whether the bridal party arrives to the reception late, or the bartender runs out of drinks, or the DJ isn’t playing the type of music you like- remember that this wedding isn’t just a party that you are attending. Your presence is needed to make the wedding experience complete, but (to be blunt) it’s not about you… or entertaining you, or what foods you like, or whether you get a good favor. It’s about the happy couple. The bride and/or groom chose you specifically because they wanted to share their day with you, so why ruin it with a petty bad attitude. I don’t think any bride would just throw a wedding together any kind of way, so it’s nice when guests see what you created and appreciate the hard work, even if something goes wrong.

Only bring a date to the wedding if your invitation states “[your name] and guest.” If you’re not sure whether you can bring a date, then ask the bride or groom. RSVP as soon as you can or at least give a courtesy call as to your thoughts on attending. And if you did not RSVP at all (which is extremely rude), don’t even think about showing up or you might get your face cracked at the door. Most times, no RSVP means no seat or plate.

Going to a wedding with someone you are serious about can inspire you to take the next step. But if you’re feeling the urge to get down on one knee at the reception, please don’t. The sole focus should be on the bride and groom, so don’t steal their shine with a spontaneous engagement.

Other simple guest etiquette- be on time, stick to the gift registry, and have a good time! You already know that when the Electric Slide comes on, everybody and their grandma will be on the dance floor. So don’t just sit there with your nose turned up, join in the fun! You know you want to!