Real Men Love . . . Other Men.

That discomfort in your throat- swallow it. You’re safe. I am not encouraging you to be gay (if you aren’t). I am challenging you to have courage and face your fears.

The opposite of love, you see, isn’t hate or even indifference. The opposite of love is fear and it is fear that has thrust a particularly virulent strain of hate and disgust into the air. A recent New York Times article addressed how For Some Black Pastors, Accepting Gay Members Means Losing Others and who has been able to escape the malevolent poetry of Tim Hardaway and Isaiah Washington? We are all entitled to our opinions, but we do a great disservice to our children and to ourselves when we inject those ideas into the collective vein, poisoning the pathways of progress and healing that we have worked hard to nourish.

We should ask ourselves, what is happening when we suspect Muslims? When we are disgusted by gays? When we disrespect or degrade this or that race? What we are experiencing is fear. We are afraid of something or someone when we don’t understand. We have assumed a threat of some kind and this tenses us up, frustrates our patience, resists calm or circumspection and raises our adrenaline. You certainly don’t feel love, do you? In her book Until Today, Iyanla Vanzant writes that when you find yourself pulling back, withdrawing from another person, ask yourself, “Why am I withholding my love?”

Think of a fearful situation you have been in (walking alone at night, encountering a snake or, Heaven-forbid, a roach, suddenly hydroplaning on ice or rain). The gut reaction is survival: sudden turns of the wheel, shrieks and throwing objects, increased heart rate and paranoia. None of these reactions are necessary because we already have the tools to handle them. If we take just a few more seconds in the rain or ice we know to calm down, remove our foot from the gas, pump the brakes slowly if at all, and turn the steering wheel in the direction of the skid or slide, then in the direction you wish to go. Panic and you might find yourself in a ditch.

Though the word homosexuality did not appear in any Bible of any language until 1946, I understand the history of reservations, concern and confusion when we discuss homosexuality. But the second greatest commandment is to love thy neighbor as thyself. Love is not what happens as you go about your day, in your bubble, gleefully accepting that you have accepted everyone because you have a gay friend, invite white people to your parties, drive a Prius or vote Democrat. Love is what happens when in spite of your fears you accept the person sitting next to you for who he is, how he dresses, and who he dates. Love is what happens when you can look across the room and say that she, no matter where she comes from, is entitled to the same happiness, compassion, respect and patience that you are. Love is what happens when you are angry, tired, or busy but you remember you are not alone, time does not belong to you and a difference or difference of opinion is an opportunity to grow. Iyanla writes, “the next time your interactions with another person evoke anger, fear or sadness know that you are in the process of healing. In the precise moment that you feel the need to react, call on love and thank the other person for showing you things about yourself that you need to know.”

Love is when someone challenges what you believe or you see something you detest and you take your foot off the gas of your tongue, breathe to slow the raging beats of your heart, turn in your neighbors direction and move towards hope, good and peace.

No panic. No ditch.