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A young, black, professional, Spelman College and UNC Law grad, and new mommy who practices law in the Chicago suburbs.

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5 Habits of Confident Women

May 1st, 2007 • Related • Filed Under

Young Black Professional Guide to Confident WomenYou know this woman. When she walks into a room, people take notice. They listen to her. They laugh at her jokes. So what makes her so special? Was she born under a lucky sign? Or is there something else that separates “she who gets” from “she who gets it all”? You bet there is. It’s major confidence. Women who have it, know it. If you think your confidence could use a boost, try these tips next time you’re in a social setting.

1. Make a great entrance
For a truly graceful entrance, check your self-consciousness at the door. There is an ease that comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Hesitation can mar even the most elegant premiere. If you don’t know a soul, head toward a person near the back of the room. Chances are you’ll find a friendly face along the way.
-Nancy Friday, author of Our Looks, Our Lives

2. Work the room
You first must learn to overcome mingle-phobia. Psych yourself up to enter a room. Then make your move. If you don’t know anyone at the gathering, walk up to a group, smile widely, introduce yourself and say: ‘I don’t know a soul at this party. Can I join you guys? This usually gets a warm, sympathetic reception, and people chat you up immediately. -Miss Mingle (a.k.a. Jeanne Martinet), author of The Art of Mingling

3. Recover gracefully
If you forget someone’s name: Remember that this kind of thing happens to people all the time, confident or not, so don’t be too embarrassed. First, admit to forgetting the person’s name. Second, slap the palm of your hand to your forehead in mock horror and say, ‘I can’t even remember my own mother’s name!’ At this point, the other person will surely remind you of their name. Then simply say, ‘I promise never to forget it again,’ and move on.
-Etiquette expert Letitia Baldrige, author of Letitia Baldrige’s Complete Guide to the New Manners for the ’90s

4. Tell a great story
Avoid phrasing your story as a joke. People think when they tell stories they have to get to a punch line, but punch lines are not in themselves amusing. You should have a deep personal interest or investment in your story — it should be either profoundly moving or profoundly funny. The story needn’t have happened to the storyteller, so long as the storyteller is also deeply moved by what she’s recounting. Remember which details are important. Gesturing is fine so long as it comes about naturally, but a good story well told and full of conviction needs little adornment. The words are what’s most important.”
-Malachy McCourt, author of A Monk Swimming

5. Don’t be intimidated
Stop all the negative thoughts in your head, then visualize yourself pushing the other person 100 feet away from you. Imagine him or her as being very small and in black and white. This will immediately reverse any feeling of inferiority. Once you’ve mentally laid the groundwork, you want to be the first person to say something so that the conversation is in your control. Don’t say anything competitive or defensive; instead, ask something personal like ‘How is your family?’ Be sincere and it will probably throw off the other person’s power-tripping ways.”
-Anankha K. Chandler, certified hypnotherapist and author of Therapist in a Box: Emotional Healing

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