30 is the new 20!

I love that Jay-Z song more and more every time I hear it. And as the time quickly approaches for me to reach the other side of 25, I’m feeling a little more resistant to becoming a full fledged adult. Maybe its the dissonance between work and family responsibilities and the feelings of college nostalgia and wanting to just chill and kick it sometimes. Is this what that “quarter-life crisis” term is all about? Well, on the downslope of my mid-20s I have only 4 more years to achieve my pre-30 goals, so, yeah, I’ve been feeling just a tad bit of self-inflicted pressure.

But here’s the upshot. Incidentally, without even articulately expressing my feelings to someone, I found a little encouragement via a book titled, “20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman’s Guide to Balance and Direction.” This book, which is more than about self-improvement and quarter-life crisis, has some sensible things to say about what we really need to be worrying about at this point in our lives—and what we don’t:

Worry about: Making decisions for yourself.
“Being an adult means you don’t need to run major decisions by five or six people,” author Christine Hassler says. “20-something women do that a lot. We moan and groan over every decision we make.”

Don’t Worry About: Committing to a career.
It may be that we’ve inherited the mentality of our Baby Boomer parents, who had—thanks in part to feminism and in part the fact that their elders suffered through the depression—the belief that every generation can and must surpass the one before it. Yet we, as their progeny, are faced with more options than obtaining a spouse, a color TV, 2.5 kids, a job that lasts 30 years, a pension plan, and a dog. Indeed the picket-fence fantasy is as outdated as calling jeans “dungarees.” Hassler contends that as long as you set up a financial foundation (yes, you need an I.R.A., so learn what it is), your 20s are the best time to try on different professions—you know, like different pairs of dungarees. “I’m not saying be a job whore,” she adds. “But when we make decisions without a lot of life experience, based on expectations other people have for us, we’re more likely to make the wrong ones.”

Don’t Worry About: Finding the perfect man.
When it comes to marriage, many women in their 20s hear that ticking clock, at least in the distance. It’s the soundtrack to every birthday when we begin to more seriously contemplate sperm banks. It underscores fittings for every bridesmaid’s gown when we worry less about which size we need and more about the absence of a weight upon our left ring fingers. “Our 20s are the only time in our life—the only time—that we can be selfish,” Hassler says. “The responsibilities of life aren’t dragging us down yet so our obligation is really to ourselves.” No rock? No biggie. “Now is the time to date different people and not just settle into one relationship,” she says. “You have to know what you want, right?”

Worry About: Finding your own place.
Turns out that since 1970 the number of 20-somethings who have moved back in with their parents has more than doubled. “In your 20s you shouldn’t be living at home,” says Hassler. “[just as] in your 40s and 50s you shouldn’t be acting like a 22 year old. I think anything that really disrupts where you should be is retarded adolescent behavior.”

Worry About: Loving the options you have, not the options you don’t … or, hell, just quit worrying, period.
“An adult isn’t worried about missed opportunities,” Hassler says. “Wanting to try every single dessert at the buffet table is more of a kid thing. Adults know which are their favorites and just pick that.”