As you go about your day considering your accomplishments and opportunities, chores and responsibilities, successes and failures, what do they tell you about yourself? How do you feel when you are done thinking and evaluating the events of your life? Are you relieved and encouraged? Are you frustrated and confused? Do you feel proud? Do you feel discouraged, hopeless?
The reason I ask is because last night I had one of those “Aha!” moments about myself. I was explaining to someone why I would not be able to continue a service project. I told her I was concerned I would not be able to be as consistent as I had in the past, and wanted to make way for someone who could devote the time I thought was required. She explained that she was experiencing issues with other volunteers, and that my service had been great. That even with someone new, they always start off very active then trickle off. She said I was very well-liked and based on past experiences did not think there would be a suitable replacement any time soon.
Now the reason that was important is because as I drove off I realized that when I evaluate my work, when I consider my efforts and contribution to anything, my default setting is negative. It often does not matter how much or how little I have put into something, I find a way to find it inadequate. In all likelihood, that kind of thinking festers into other areas of my life. Perhaps my seeming inability to commit is related to the ideas I have that I will not stack up. Perhaps my unwillingness to take risks or opportunities is because I think “it has already been done” or someone is already doing it, and better than I can.
I was reading an article on RealAge.com (website from Dr. Oz and Dr. Rozien, Oprah’s guys) about happiness some time ago and it read:
Some researchers estimate that as much as 40% to 50% of a person’s capacity for happiness may be genetically predetermined. And although that means some lucky people may start off with a greater propensity for happiness, it’s no guarantee they’ll lead a charmed life. Fortunately, evidence suggests that even the gloomiest of us can learn to be happier.
Now, it is not that I believe any appearance of a happiness deficit in my life is handed down from my parents; what struck me is the notion that for some of us the how’s and why’s of happiness may not be automatic. That means I have to work harder. I have to change my default setting so that moment to moment I assume and trust that I am the bright, capable person I appear to myself and on paper to be. Sure, my accomplishments may not be the same as someone else’s, nor will the trappings of happiness or success look the same from person to person. It is never the actual circumstances that cause our joy or discontent, it is how we allow ourselves to feel about those circumstances that cause the joy or discontent.
Going forward, if your default setting is not what or where you would want it to be, you might practice with me. Practice trusting yourself and your abilities. Practice believing that only good things come to you and only good things come from you. Train your thoughts to see yourself rightly: a great friend, a solid worker, an inspired son or daughter, a Champion. We are worthy … today … Right Now!!
Fredric
Extending along this thought is the capacity to enjoy other’s accomplishments, as well. When you’re able to have a ‘default positive’ outlook on your own daily accomplishments, you enjoy and appreciate the accomplishments of your peers a lot more.
Too often do we fall back into the competitive crease of judging and sizing each other up, especially as YBP’s. We’ve been conditioned to ‘being the only one’ that we don’t enjoy when we’re not! Some of that is because we have defaulted into negating our own accomplishments as a way to never get too hight on ourselves.
As you alluded to in in your post, perhaps the better medicine is feeling good and happy about our successes so that we can continue to enjoy…and encourage others to reach and enjoy theirs!
Great post dude….
August 4, 2008 at 8:12 am
Tiffany
Great food for thought! Thanks for the post.
August 5, 2008 at 9:24 am
Think Pink, or at least Think Possibility | Young Black Professional Guide
[...] few days ago we talked about default settings, and I shared how mine tended towards the negative. Well, it would be disingenuous not to share [...]
August 12, 2008 at 9:21 am
Hanna
Like many of you I am an African American looking to give back to my community. And I have gotten the opportunity to do so, not regionally but internationally, I’m talking about the mother land, YES, AFRICA. Last summer I dedicated 2 months out of my life to travel to Ethiopia to volunteer and teach at an HIV orphanage. It was the most fulfilling 2 months that I have ever spent. I know that not everyone is lucky enough to make the time to travel to Africa and volunteer and give back, but for those who are, they know how little it takes to effect a stranger in need.
For the majority of you who are not able to travel to Africa, now there’s a way to help from here… I recently learned about a non-profit organization called Partners for Africa (http://www.pfa-partnersforafrica.org/) implemented by a nonprofit organization called Partners in Development. This amazing non-profit makes it so simple and so easy for you to affect the lives of many grassroots women at the poverty line and to support the growing number of HIV/AIDS orphans in Africa.
Partners for Africa, is trying to raise funds for eight countries in Africa (Ethiopia, Uganda, Swaziland, Lesotho, DRC, Malawi, Rwanda, and South Africa) to scale up the critical work they are doing in empowering poor women as an HIV/AIDS prevention strategy and in supporting HIV/AIDS orphans.
Become a PFA Philanthropist for as little as $25 and make a difference! When you make that donation, you are automatically a member and have:
- access to a monthly e-zine on African music, books, investment information (12 issues)
- the opportunity to network with like minded people through the Community Forum
- create a profile and promote your cause, business on the PFA Philanthropist Corner section of the site and network with other philanthropists who share your interests in Africa and who are globally aware. To find out more just check out their site at http://www.pfapartnersforafrica.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=156&Itemid=112
August 12, 2008 at 7:00 pm
The Smartest Advice I Ever Got | Young Black Professional Guide
[...] you need to take the lessons of today to make a better tomorrow. Always keeping a positive default setting, through your side hustle or job transition, having thorough notes throughout those moments will [...]
August 13, 2008 at 12:58 pm