I learned something today. Relearned, that is. I don’t know anything.
I read an op-ed piece in the New York Times, Gay Marriage and a Moral Minority by Charles M. Blow, and my eyes opened, looking out on what should not have been new information.
I want to start by saying I have always had this sense of a female’s power. Truly, I think the realized female is the most powerful person on the planet. Women are the backbone of society. You are the teachers (71% in 2004), you are the mothers and grandmothers (by default of course, but also in action. You more profoundly embody those roles than anyone else in their respective roles), you are the missionary models, and even when not on the pulpit (either because you are not allowed, or just not there yet) you are the ministers. Women made up 92.3% of nurses in 2005.
I am guessing you made up most of the the black voters this year, too. In 2004, you were 58% of the black vote (60% in 2000). So your voice and your concerns matter. This year, 70% of black voters supported Proposition 8 in CA and 75% of black women voted for it (Mr. Blow points out there weren’t enough black men in the survey to provide a reliable percentage for them. However, one can mathematically deduce that of the raw number of survey respondents, nearly twice as many black women said that they voted for it than black men). He goes on to offer theories for why that may be: (excerpting from the article)
- Blacks are much more likely than whites to attend church, according to a Gallup report, and black women are much more likely to attend church than black men … weekly church attendance among black 12th graders rose 26 percent from 1993 to 2006 … it is probably safe to assume that many of them were going to church with their mothers since Child Trends reported that around the time that they were born, nearly 70 percent of all black children were born to single mothers.
- This high rate of church attendance by blacks informs a very conservative moral view.
- Marriage can be a sore subject for black women in general. According to 2007 Census Bureau data, black women are the least likely of all women to be married and the most likely to be divorced. Women who can’t find a man to marry might not be thrilled about the idea of men marrying each other … comparing the struggles of legalizing interracial marriage with those to legalize gay marriage is a bad idea. Many black women do not seem to be big fans of interracial marriage either. They’re the least likely of all groups to intermarry, and many don’t look kindly on the black men who intermarry at nearly three times the rate that they do.
The article goes further into the effectiveness of religious debate, the cruel irony of ardent sexual morality vs. pregnancies and STD infection, and abortion rates.
There are no coincidences, no mistakes, and there is a gift and opportunity in everything, even seeming bad news. For the last few weeks I have been focused on this gay marriage issue. It affects me a lot. This article reminded me that there are other forgotten populations, too. We cannot afford to disparage them either.
So, as gays and allies across the country get together to organize our new efforts (here in Miami it is a “Hearts and Minds” campaign), we will surely consider what this kind of information means in terms of how, where and to whom we deliver information. Still, I see greater opportunity.
One way I will have to look at this issue is understanding that the hearts and minds of my sisters may have been affected by my request to validate a commitment to another man. I had never considered that. On some level, I am an example of what has eluded them. One of my closest friends, a beautiful black woman that a colleague described as “Michelle Obama-like,” frequently calls me a “waste.” I get that. And on some level, I wish I could be that figure in a black community of heterosexual marriage, family, and life-building; however, that is not my call (nor my choice, but that is a different article).
So what I cannot give in terms of physical presence, provision and expression, I must give in attention. I must give in education and support, to make sure you remain the strong, infinitely and (I insist!) specially powerful creatures you are. I think we all must, but I have to start with me. You remain our mothers, our grandmothers, our teachers, our caretakers, our hope and so much a part of my strength. As much as I deserve the right and the choice to have my love and commitment solidified and recognized by the government, you deserve the resources and a pool of eligible goodness to go along with the access to those rights. You deserve a goverment and leaders who recognize that education gaps and a prison mentality does not contribute to anything, and definitely not your dreams. It is time we all stood up for you, too. No life, no love, no hope left behind.
baratunde aka jack turner
wow. beautifully and intelligently written. will share at JJP
December 1, 2008 at 8:28 am
NinaG
This op-ed was the first I've read that was specifically about black women and prop 8. I'm just annoyed by all of the discussion concerning “who's to blame” for prop 8, well not the discussion, but some of the language. People are ignoring the fact that an individual can have multiple identities like black, female, gay or black, church-going, bisexual, whatever whatever.
But Blow's piece was kind of all over the place. I agree that open discussions about sexuality within black communities can do a lot of good but some of his points are flimsy, particularly the brothers on the DL and black women's increased HIV risk – this discussion about the DL has been nothing but stigmatizing, we seem to be ignoring the fact that infidelity and the risky behaviors that may result are the true issue here.
Overall, Blow fails because he's looking at black women as a homogenous group of people – ignoring black female immigrants, non-heterosexual black women, etc.
December 1, 2008 at 8:42 am
CraigHickman
Thank you for this, Garry. I've been working for more than 10 years on a book exploring the relationships of Black gay men and Black women. This essay (and Blow's) resonate deeply with me. I'll close with a story from one of the main characters of the book in progress:
Guess Who Came to Dinner?
December 1, 2008 at 8:51 am
Black Women, Gay Marriage, Hearts & Minds - Jack & Jill Politics
[...] Black Women, Gay Marriage, Hearts & Minds | Young Black Professional Guide. [...]
December 1, 2008 at 11:30 am
heartsandflowers
I saw this over at JJP and wanted to comment here. You were very kind but there's a whole other dynamic that needs to be addressed.
A lot of these women that attend church are giving all their time and money to support fake religious practices centered around a charismatic male preacher that has nothing to do with engaging in a relationship with God.
A lot of these women are still adhering to this outdated contract of how they must look to a man, typically a lower quality man (by his actions) who has to be Black. Instead of looking beyond their immediate comfort zone or social circle they have a narrow view of who's out there and limit themselves. They also choose men who do not value them as if they've somehow gotten a prize.
A lot of these women will talk for hours about how teh gay is “wrong” but seem to have no such moral objections to having children out of wedlock and multiple children with different fathers. And I use the word father loosely because these men are usually nothing more than sperm donors.
Even with the women who do marry nowadays it's not a partnership of equals. The bulk of the responsibility is still taken up by a lot of these women. Some worship motherhood and place more value in that than in sustaining a relationship.
There's this displaced anger and focus on homosexual sex – and let's face it a lot of the men who are on the DL are also involved with numerous women, may have kids and are not being responsible in any way. They may be gay or they may just be using everyone. If these women would set standards for themselves and evaluate who they're with first they would avoid a lot of these painful scenarios. So they may be angry. They may be justified, but they also have to take responsibility for their choices.
I'm not even going to focus on the men and their foul behavior and shadiness. There are some wonderful men out there as well. I think that's something that men have to address with other men. Like white people need to go to other white people to work on stopping racism. It's really up to women to have and set standards. And your friend is very hostile towards you and disrespectful. If she's making good choices and being open there's no reason why she shouldn't have a pool of men to choose from. It sounds like she's narrowed her options and isn't willing to try something different and focusing her frustration on you (and other men as well). That's not attractive at all. Who wants to date an angry bitter woman?
December 1, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Thoney Gangstasweet
wow. beautifully written. you summed up my thoughts quite well! i really hate that 8 got passed and i'm bothered by the fact that people are still so immature re: sexuality. seriously now! we need to all start humping each other and talking about it. i've lost family members and friends to “da hiv[pronounced hiv not h-i-v lol] and i think that honestly would have saved my uncle or cousin dianne. there's now medical evidence supporting homosexuality as a gene or trait and not a “choice” as some are putting it…. i know i'm super late lol but thanks G$!
December 17, 2008 at 9:42 am
semenax
This is good….I mean for the black community around the world, this article is encouraging. Now we can walking down the streets with our heads up.And one thing, we should all be grateful to our mothers and sisters.
February 12, 2009 at 10:16 pm