Comments on: Black Women, Gay Marriage, Hearts & Minds

By: semenax

semenax — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 03:16:06 +0000

This is good….I mean for the black community around the world, this article is encouraging. Now we can walking down the streets with our heads up.And one thing, we should all be grateful to our mothers and sisters.

By: Thoney Gangstasweet

Thoney Gangstasweet — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:42:26 +0000

wow. beautifully written. you summed up my thoughts quite well! i really hate that 8 got passed and i'm bothered by the fact that people are still so immature re: sexuality. seriously now! we need to all start humping each other and talking about it. i've lost family members and friends to “da hiv[pronounced hiv not h-i-v lol] and i think that honestly would have saved my uncle or cousin dianne. there's now medical evidence supporting homosexuality as a gene or trait and not a “choice” as some are putting it…. i know i'm super late lol but thanks G$!

By: heartsandflowers

heartsandflowers — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:19:41 +0000

I saw this over at JJP and wanted to comment here. You were very kind but there's a whole other dynamic that needs to be addressed.

A lot of these women that attend church are giving all their time and money to support fake religious practices centered around a charismatic male preacher that has nothing to do with engaging in a relationship with God.

A lot of these women are still adhering to this outdated contract of how they must look to a man, typically a lower quality man (by his actions) who has to be Black. Instead of looking beyond their immediate comfort zone or social circle they have a narrow view of who's out there and limit themselves. They also choose men who do not value them as if they've somehow gotten a prize.

A lot of these women will talk for hours about how teh gay is "wrong" but seem to have no such moral objections to having children out of wedlock and multiple children with different fathers. And I use the word father loosely because these men are usually nothing more than sperm donors.

Even with the women who do marry nowadays it's not a partnership of equals. The bulk of the responsibility is still taken up by a lot of these women. Some worship motherhood and place more value in that than in sustaining a relationship.

There's this displaced anger and focus on homosexual sex - and let's face it a lot of the men who are on the DL are also involved with numerous women, may have kids and are not being responsible in any way. They may be gay or they may just be using everyone. If these women would set standards for themselves and evaluate who they're with first they would avoid a lot of these painful scenarios. So they may be angry. They may be justified, but they also have to take responsibility for their choices.

I'm not even going to focus on the men and their foul behavior and shadiness. There are some wonderful men out there as well. I think that's something that men have to address with other men. Like white people need to go to other white people to work on stopping racism. It's really up to women to have and set standards. And your friend is very hostile towards you and disrespectful. If she's making good choices and being open there's no reason why she shouldn't have a pool of men to choose from. It sounds like she's narrowed her options and isn't willing to try something different and focusing her frustration on you (and other men as well). That's not attractive at all. Who wants to date an angry bitter woman?

By: Black Women, Gay Marriage, Hearts & Minds - Jack & Jill Politics

Black Women, Gay Marriage, Hearts & Minds - Jack & Jill Politics — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:30:41 +0000

[...] Black Women, Gay Marriage, Hearts & Minds | Young Black Professional Guide. [...]

By: CraigHickman

CraigHickman — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:51:13 +0000

Thank you for this, Garry. I've been working for more than 10 years on a book exploring the relationships of Black gay men and Black women. This essay (and Blow's) resonate deeply with me. I'll close with a story from one of the main characters of the book in progress:

Guess Who Came to Dinner?

By: NinaG

NinaG — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:42:17 +0000

This op-ed was the first I've read that was specifically about black women and prop 8. I'm just annoyed by all of the discussion concerning “who's to blame” for prop 8, well not the discussion, but some of the language. People are ignoring the fact that an individual can have multiple identities like black, female, gay or black, church-going, bisexual, whatever whatever.
But Blow's piece was kind of all over the place. I agree that open discussions about sexuality within black communities can do a lot of good but some of his points are flimsy, particularly the brothers on the DL and black women's increased HIV risk – this discussion about the DL has been nothing but stigmatizing, we seem to be ignoring the fact that infidelity and the risky behaviors that may result are the true issue here.
Overall, Blow fails because he's looking at black women as a homogenous group of people – ignoring black female immigrants, non-heterosexual black women, etc.

By: baratunde aka jack turner

baratunde aka jack turner — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:28:46 +0000

wow. beautifully and intelligently written. will share at JJP