You are currently on the internet, so you probably know the most recent allegations surrounding two of our successful, beloved superstars (Rihanna and Chris Brown).
The telling thing about this story is that you can be wildly successful, rich, famous, and respected and still (allegedly) make one of the poorest possible choices on a night you are set to perform and possibly win a major award. For some reason we just don’t get it.
We are talking about emotional, physical, sexual, and psychological violence. Violence is never an answer. Threats, assault and battery are not shows of strength, power or desert. They are evidence of weakness, insecurity, low self-esteem, and an inability to control ourselves, our emotions and our surroundings. All of us have our struggles and our challenges; and we must remember that abusers have often suffered or witnessed abuse in their pasts. However, if an individual is aware of an inability to control a temper or anger, or is somehow predisposed to abusive behavior, then that person has a personal responsibility to seek help and the appropriate resources.
No matter what is said or done, no one should ever be hitting anybody: not because of a money, insecurity, an STD, a lie, a chore or someone cheated. Violence is NEVER an appropriate response to any situation. A human being can NEVER deserve it. A person can NEVER have it coming. It can NEVER be justified.
Let me be very clear; any psychologist, lawyer, or doctor will tell you that the greatest single predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If he has hit you before, he will hit you again. If she has thrown things before, she will throw them again. And often domestic violence escalates. Abuse is not an accident. People die. We all know how hard it is to change basic habits. So, imagine the dedicated work it will take to redirect a willingness to respond to stress or frustration with violence. Changing the pattern of thought and response-behavior will only come as a result of sustained, focused intervention; not just one session with your pastor/family counselor or “promising” never to do it again.
We do not know the full story surrounding the two celebs who have once again brought this issue to the forefront. But, it is not special or unique. There is no abuser or victim profile. It is happening every day and you might know someone it is happening to. It is not an easy issue to navigate. Professional help is available. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) if you want information, help, or assitance because you or someone you know is a victim. Contact someone. Being the change you want to see means doing what you can to be a part of the solution, not the silence. Our families, our friends, our loved ones, our community and our world need you, and we all need you to survive.
Sylvia
What a wonderful article! All too often blacks take to violence, I have friend who is always threatening bodily harm to others that just dont agree with her. Why do so many blacks think hitting or fighting is a way of solving issues? Is this a slave mentality? … the same as with our children, we take to slapping them around … without being aware of the consequences. As you say violence is not the answer. What make some women put up with this? Rihana is a beautiful girl, she has so much going on … why would she subject herself to such behavior? I am so tired of these ghetto kids who are not use to having anything … come into all this money and start acting like a fool.
This Chris Brown is a prime example.
February 13, 2009 at 7:18 am
Jean
I am hopeful that domestic violence is taken more than just serious, that we become catupulted ino action. Domestic violence is a crime that plauge many families, it transcend race or social economical backgrounds. It's not a about beauty or fame. It's about something called RESPECT… SELF LOVE….We must teach and reach out to one another and bring back some of Madea's traditional values in our families. Most importantly we need to PRAY for all that are affect be this horrific crime.
February 18, 2009 at 6:46 am
Thoney Gangstasweet
this story was sad, but it was a long time coming. Rhianna REGULARLY abused Chris and he did nothing. You can only push someone so far before they just SNAP! Do not mistake this for an excuse family, domestic violence hits VERY close to home for me as my sister is currently in an abusive situation. What I want sistas to take away from this is that we must control our emotions and behave like young women. I see these girls hitting their guys in the face, punching him, destroying his property, and expecting to get away with it. Chris having bite marks is a sign of DEFENSE not offense, and no one's really reporting that! [i'm obsessed with reading about domestic violence lol nerdy. i know i know]
KE YA HANDS TO URSELF! period!
February 23, 2009 at 9:19 am
Thoney Gangstasweet
not true @ all. I've met met Chris and he's EXTREMELY nice and gracious. don't believe EVERYTHING YOU READ. leave room for BOTH sides. he's one of the FEW singers out there making positive music for the youth. he's also never touched her despite her regularly hitting him.. HARD! my friend 2wayed me about an incident many moons before this where rhianna went nuts in a club hitting and cursing him, the more chris and their friend tried to calm her the more she desperately tried to get attention/attacked him. the next day on the blogs/tv it said they'd been arguing….. NO ONE REPORTED the truth as i saw it with my own two eyes on a grainy cell pic….[her punching hm] when he defends himself its a worldwide spectacle and we're removing his music from the airwaves… but R.Kelly's ok? these disrepsectful rappers need to be supported?! we need to get it together as a people! seriously right now!
KEEP UR HANDS TO URSELF! whether you have a penis or not!
February 23, 2009 at 9:27 am
gib
this story continues to sadden me. the cycle is playing out in national headlines, on tv and the internet. first thing he says: seeking the help of my pastor and loved ones. Do they have domestic violence training and anger management expertise? if not, it's a waste of time. then, of course, the reconciliation. “I'm sorry, baby.” “Me, too.” “I love you.” “I can't live without you.” Forgive me?” “Of course.” This is until the next time. who knows if this is what was said or if they actually reconciled? either way, this story has played out 100.657 million times before (at least). they are no different. they need help. and i hope they get it.
March 10, 2009 at 7:08 pm
ThoneyGangstaSweet
ok you completely avoided the whole pt! lol WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON WOMEN THAT ABUSE MEN!?! what should we tell our sons to do when their girl mollywhops 'em? in this case chris finally racted….go to necolebitchie.com she's relaying details of the actual report. also see TMZ.come, they are slowing inching towards Rhianna's aggression leading to the incident….she didn't have two black eyes. her lips were swolen, she had two bumps on her head that easily could have been caused my wrestling and bumping in such tight confines….. i witnessed with my own two eyes cell pics of her abusing HIM! she punched him HARD in the face and the more chris tried to calm her down the more she tried to get a rise outta him/be loud….. this all happened BEFORE these recent incidents. my friend sent them to me like let's see what E reports… they said the couple hadn't been getting along…. HA! why didn't they hang HER out to dry!? also, isn't it a bit funny that 'Ye didn't come to her defense?! he toured with her for months! he clearly knows she's nuts! keep in mind she admitted to smashing a glass bottle against her brothers head in DETAILS, she also acted insanely jealous at Darnell's supersweet 16…”i see dem girls flockin u!” [whatever that means lol] then pouted such for the rest of the party….
p.s. i was a huge rhi rhi fan until this all happened and she let him die publically…. she needs to seek help as much as he does if not more….duly note how no one else dated her…..christ HAD to stay and edure because she led to his crossover….. nah tell me i'm not sayin the absolute TRUF! ;P
March 11, 2009 at 10:12 am
gib
thought i addressed that (in the blog entry) here:
“If she has thrown things before, she will throw them again.”
and here:
“No matter what is said or done, no one should ever be hitting anybody”
and here:
“There is no abuser or victim profile”
and by keeping a gender non-descript tone. I don't care who did what. I am not on anyone's side. I am not interested in who started it. HITTING IS NEVER THE ANSWER. (Though I will say, for someone who was hit himself, he certainly showed up to court looking unscathed).
I do appreciate your passion for knowing the truth in this matter. For me, the story doesn't matter. My bottom line is. Don't hit. If you hit, seek help now. If you've been hit. Seek help now. Insanity = doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Let's not go over and over and over this. The answer is clear – any DV is wrong. Get involved if you know about it. Reach out to help. We have got to get this out of our systems our families and our communities.
March 13, 2009 at 4:26 pm