I learned something today. Relearned, that is. I don’t know anything.

I read an op-ed piece in the New York Times, Gay Marriage and a Moral Minority by Charles M. Blow, and my eyes opened, looking out on what should not have been new information.

credit: :: K e i t o ::

Complexities of the Heart

I want to start by saying I have always had this sense of a female’s power. Truly, I think the realized female is the most powerful person on the planet. Women are the backbone of society. You are the teachers (71% in 2004), you are the mothers and grandmothers (by default of course, but also in action. You more profoundly embody those roles than anyone else in their respective roles), you are the missionary models, and even when not on the pulpit (either because you are not allowed, or just not there yet) you are the ministers. Women made up 92.3% of nurses in 2005.

I am guessing you made up most of the the black voters this year, too. In 2004, you were 58% of the black vote (60% in 2000). So your voice and your concerns matter. This year, 70% of black voters supported Proposition 8 in CA and 75% of black women voted for it (Mr. Blow points out there weren’t enough black men in the survey to provide a reliable percentage for them. However, one can mathematically deduce that of the raw number of survey respondents, nearly twice as many black women said that they voted for it than black men). He goes on to offer theories for why that may be: (excerpting from the article)

1. Blacks are much more likely than whites to attend church, according to a Gallup report, and black women are much more likely to attend church than black men … weekly church attendance among black 12th graders rose 26 percent from 1993 to 2006 … it is probably safe to assume that many of them were going to church with their mothers since Child Trends reported that around the time that they were born, nearly 70 percent of all black children were born to single mothers.
2. This high rate of church attendance by blacks informs a very conservative moral view.
3. Marriage can be a sore subject for black women in general. According to 2007 Census Bureau data, black women are the least likely of all women to be married and the most likely to be divorced. Women who can’t find a man to marry might not be thrilled about the idea of men marrying each other … comparing the struggles of legalizing interracial marriage with those to legalize gay marriage is a bad idea. Many black women do not seem to be big fans of interracial marriage either. They’re the least likely of all groups to intermarry, and many don’t look kindly on the black men who intermarry at nearly three times the rate that they do.

The article goes further into the effectiveness of religious debate, the cruel irony of ardent sexual morality vs. pregnancies and STD infection, and abortion rates.

There are no coincidences, no mistakes, and there is a gift and opportunity in everything, even seeming bad news. For the last few weeks I have been focused on this gay marriage issue. It affects me a lot. This article reminded me that there are other forgotten populations, too. We cannot afford to disparage them either.

So, as gays and allies across the country get together to organize our new efforts (here in Miami it is a “Hearts and Minds” campaign), we will surely consider what this kind of information means in terms of how, where and to whom we deliver information. Still, I see greater opportunity.

One way I will have to look at this issue is understanding that the hearts and minds of my sisters may have been affected by my request to validate a commitment to another man. I had never considered that. On some level, I am an example of what has eluded them. One of my closest friends, a beautiful black woman that a colleague described as “Michelle Obama-like,” frequently calls me a “waste.” I get that. And on some level, I wish I could be that figure in a black community of heterosexual marriage, family, and life-building; however, that is not my call (nor my choice, but that is a different article).

So what I cannot give in terms of physical presence, provision and expression, I must give in attention. I must give in education and support, to make sure you remain the strong, infinitely and (I insist!) specially powerful creatures you are. I think we all must, but I have to start with me. You remain our mothers, our grandmothers, our teachers, our caretakers, our hope and so much a part of my strength. As much as I deserve the right and the choice to have my love and commitment solidified and recognized by the government, you deserve the resources and a pool of eligible goodness to go along with the access to those rights. You deserve a goverment and leaders who recognize that education gaps and a prison mentality does not contribute to anything, and definitely not your dreams. It is time we all stood up for you, too. No life, no love, no hope left behind.